WASHINGTON (IWR News Satire) - The
Republican National Committee (RNC) released its annual
inspirational Christmas Carol by Ann Coulter on it's
Here is Ann Coulter's holiday message:
My Republican friends, I would like to take a little time here to
honor the wisdom spirit of Ebenezer Scrooge, the business man, in what
I like to call - A Cronyism Carol.
Like all good Neocons, I can never bring myself watch Scrooge's
A Christmas Carol into slobbering liberal, so I always turn the damn tape
off before he wakes up.
But I always remember Scrooge's insightful reaction when he was
asked by some gay charity dork to help the poor and destitute:
``Are there no prisons?'' asked Scrooge.
``Plenty of prisons,'' said the gentleman, laying down the pen
``And the Union workhouses?'' demanded Scrooge. ``Are they still
``They are. Still,'' returned the gentleman, `` I wish I could
say they were not.''
``The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?'' said
``Both very busy, sir.''
``Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something
had occurred to stop them in their useful course,'' said Scrooge.
``I'm very glad to hear it.''
Yes. Scrooge was way ahead of his times and indeed
anticipated our courageous Neocon Revolution.
At this mushy time of year, we need to remind ourselves that we
owe the poor and aged of this country nothing at all!
As Scrooge quite correctly pointed out when asked if he was
concerned about the fate of the poor and unemployed:
``If they would rather die,'' said Scrooge, ``they had better do
it, and decrease the surplus population.''
Isn't that the most beautiful sentiment that you have
I mean we should never listen to
treasonous liberals who
would have our tax cuts rolled back or try to extend unemployment
benefits so that we could help other
That, my friends, is the red spider-hole of socialism
that the crony capitalist must always lobby against!
Every day I have to thank God for Rupert Murdoch and Fox News
for dispelling such myths!
Yes. Let's follow Scrooge's lead and let natural
selection run its course and reduce this surplus population of
In fact, if we just started hanging a few senior
citizens and their liberal supporters, that would stop this
compassionate nonsense once and for all!
It is not the responsibility of corporate America to
be responsible for what happens to the Bob Cratchits and Tiny Tims of
the world, when jobs are outsourced to India or China.
What would a modern day Scrooge say?
Are there no prisons?
Are there no workhouses?
Are there no McJobs?
Now my good friends go and count your ill gotten
profits in peace and remember to have a nice guilt-free Republican