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Rev. Moon Launches 'Preemptive Warrior' Magazine

BATSHITCRAZY, VA (IWR News Satire) - On the third year anniversary of the Iraq war, the megalomaniac founder of the Washington Times Reverend Sun Myung Moon launched his new "Preemptive Warrior" magazine to help boost the sagging morale (and ever decreasing numbers) of "Bush Doctrine" supporters.

"Look we haven't killed or tortured nearly enough people yet.

If the President would just take my advice, we would just eliminate the 87% of the Iraqi population, who want us to leave!

A couple of well placed tactical nuclear weapon detonations would bring this insurgency nonsense to a halt, just like it did in Japan in WWII.

It would also sober up those damn Syrians and Iranians. 

Either you give us the goddamn oil, or we nuke your ass!  That's the real Bush Doctrine message, isn't it?

If you will please excuse me now, I have to hold a mass divorce for that thousand couples I forced to marry last year," said Reverend Moon.

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