WASHINGTON (IWR News Parody) - In an
effort to heal the wounds created by running the most cynical and
dirty campaign in American history and by having the most polarizing
presidency since Andrew Johnson, George W. Bush today enlisted the
support of the PBS dinosaur Barney to help start mending damaged
"We won this election by appealing to the least
common denominator in the American electorate: fear, uncertainty and
doubt. The 9/11 FUD factor as Karl calls it.
The problem is that in order for me to be more than just some
embarrassing footnote in US history books, I will need to appear more
statesman-like and compassionate in my second term.
I have therefore asked all the Wal-mart greeters in the nation to
dress up like Barney and and try to cheer up all those poor suckers
whose jobs will be outsourced to India, have their wages deflated or
Social Security benefits cut," said a giddy George Bush.