SAN JOSE, CA (IWR News Parody) - Laura
Bush today introduced an updated version of Nancy Reagan's old "Just Say
No" to Drugs campaign. This time, instead of having kids say "No" to drugs,
the First Lady would like all American's to abandon all reason and "just
say no" to science.
"On this historic occasion, here at this
market in San Jose, we need to put an end, once and for all, to the
Age of Enlightenment
and just say 'no' to science, the teaching evolution in schools, and
all this ghastly
stem cell research devilry.
Poor Mrs. Reagan got hoodwinked by her evil Hollywood 'friends' and
came out in favor of research to find a cure for Alzheimer's disease
because she thought it would help 'The Gipper'.
But did it help her or Ronnie? No way, Jose! No pun intended. Because my husband, who is
such a forward thinking genius, banned most embryonic stem cell research in this
Let those pagan French and German bastards go to hell if they want
to, but we Americans will be on the Rapture fast track when the day of
Let me tell you a little secret that Reverend
Falwell told me.
Jesus hates science! Well George and I hate science too!
If God didn't want us to suffer, he never would have created uppity
servants, Arabs or trade unions, let alone, people with Alzheimer's or Parkinson's disease.
So the next time some satanic science show like Nova comes on the TV, just say
'No' and immediately change the channel to the 700 Club or Fox News.
Now if you all will excuse me, I have to pick up some tube socks
and bowling trophies for Dubya at this here flea market," said Laura
Bush with her flags flying in the breeze.